and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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