dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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