Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
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