what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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