He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
How naked do you want me to be?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize