The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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