Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
