You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
