It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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