Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
