i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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