you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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