That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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