so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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