So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
