remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
