i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
