It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
