HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
