I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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