i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
