when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
