Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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