I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
