Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
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dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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