Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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