Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
