My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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