Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
