Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
