giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
