you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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