Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
