the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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