I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
