First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
