i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
