8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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