i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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