Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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