1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I intend to get homeless drunk
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
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