Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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