You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
