We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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