Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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