So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
