I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize