Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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