mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
