Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
