we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
She needs sedatives and a leash
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
