That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
