You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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