my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize