Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
