New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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