But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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