I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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