My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
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I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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