Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
wanna go halves on a baby?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
