I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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