Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
