Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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