Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
