What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
