the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
