Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
