I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
