Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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