I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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