Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
