We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
